Monday, April 6, 2009
Persuasive Critiques - Com H
Post your persuasive critiques here. I want a critique posting that contains length in the details. Please include your thoughts about the topic and content of the presentation. Then, include three strengths and three improvements regarding the message. Please be sure to include both content and delivery comments. Remember, this is a persuasive message. What parts of the presentation were or were not fully suppported to create an argument. This is your last critique. I want to see depth now in the critiques. Show me that you have learned what makes for an effective message and speaker in this critique posting based on our discussions and critiques during the semester. This critique is due May 1st.
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For his speech, Tom spoke about Nike, Inc. and how he is connected to the firm's activities. This includes his previous sponsorship experience and his intent of working for the company in the future. Tom's devotion to Nike is evident within this highly descriptive presentation; he has certainly earned my respect. One advantage was the opening video; it introduced Nike to the audience in a way that made it seem incredible to behold. Another advantage of Tom's speech was the amount of detail evident throughout the presentation. He proved his interest in Nike, Inc. by researching the company extensively and applying the information he gained to his own life accordingly. A final advantage was the closing statement, as it utilized one of Nike's slogans and left a conclusive yet reminiscent tone on the presentation's conclusion. One of Tom's disadvantages, however, was his rambling that was apparent throughout the presentation. Despite having excellent details, he failed to back them up with enough examples in order to display a sense of action or argument. A second disadvantage was his frequent head movement; while his eye contact does not appear to be an issue, the true problem lies with the lack of time he spends actually looking at the audience. He was consistently shifting between the audience, the screen, and his notecards; sometimes looking both ways before returning to the audience. One last disadvantage was Tom's use of Wikipedia; the information sources were expected to be from the official company website or another source of written articles. This not only ensures valid information, but also demonstrates integrity to the company by showing that you are resourceful enough to look for information using the correct method.
ReplyDeleteRob O's Critique
ReplyDeleteRob talked about WithumSmith&Brown and how he would like to obtain an internship with the firm. He had a good picture for his attention getter. It was a smart idea to take a quote from the company’s website for the attention getter. A lot of presenters forgot to put the works cited up during the credibility, but Rob did that part correctly. He had a good, clear explanation about himself and his activities. He gave great details about what types of activities he is involved with, such as Rider Men’s Tennis and Accounting Society. When describing the company, you can tell Rob really did his research on WithumSmith&Brown; he knows the firm thoroughly and it showed when he spoke. Since Rob wants to be an accounting intern, it was a great idea to get a quote from Rider’s accounting chair, Dr. Margaret O’Reilly-Allen. Rob did a good job with the action, which is how he was going to get the internship. He concisely explained each step he needed to take in order to get the internship. It was clear and the steps were straightforward. Transitions were good and apparent throughout the speech. They made the speech flow from point to point. The memorable statement, which was a quote from Thomas Jefferson, left a lasting impression.
Rob’s posture was great; however, he needs to work on relaxing his facial expressions and smile when speaking. If he smiled it would have drawn more people in. Also, Rob lacked how he would benefit WithumSmith&Brown. He gave general benefits of what the company would look for, but did not state how he would personally benefit the company. This made the speech a little less unpersuasive. His eye contact was wonderful at times and other times it was off. He should work on learning to hold his great eye contact throughout the speech. More cites were needed verbally. The introduction could have been rehearsed more to make it more clear to the audience. All around, Rob convincingly gave his speech. The presentation showed that he genuinely wants to obtain an internship with WithumSmith&Brown.
Alex P.
ReplyDeleteAlex started off and maintained throughout her presentation an excellent vocal tone. She was audible and clear in expressing what her plan was. Alex only used her notecards for her citations which allowed for her to maintain eye contact. Her posture was top-notch. She stood up straight and used hand gestures referencing to her powerpoint slides. Two great examples that Alex ellaborated on to display skills were being a camp counselor as well as a member of the Rider Women's soccer team. She consistently cited her sources, which shows that put a lot of time into preparation. In explaining her job aspirations, Alex broke down the accounting field to an understandable level. She displayed exthusiasm throughout and was very specific in her action details. She mentioned using the career center, sending her resume to the company, as well as following up her networking experiences with an email. Overall, Alex did an excellent as displayed by the above reasons.
David Curry’s Critique- by Joseph Ferber.
ReplyDeleteDavid’s persuasive speech for trying to gain a professional position for the company Ernest & Young was very interesting. Firstly, I enjoyed his attention getter. He captured not only my attention, but the attention of the whole class as well because he used comic relief to lighten the mood. Next, Dave dressed very professional for his speech by wearing a collared shirt and a blazer on top of it. He kept great eye contact throughout the entire ordeal. This helped him keep a conversational style which made him connect well with the audience. Some things that David can improve on would firstly include his posture. His posture was off because he had his feet crossed for the entire speech. Second, his oral presentation was short and there were not many slides; but he was capable of following the 6 x 6 rule. He did not have enough sites, both orally and on his power point. The last thing that David must improve on would be his memorable statement. I found it to be a little weak and was not too great of a closer for an overall great speech. But overall, David did pretty well. Between his conversational style and humor, he had a great connection with the audience and was capable of getting his points across. Knowing that David was not able to get a job at Ernest & Young after he graduates is definitely upsetting, but it’s good that he is still able to become a waiter. I wish him the best of luck in fulfilling his dreams and aspirations.
On Friday I critiqued David Curry a senior in our class that is graduating this spring from rider with a bachelors in Finance. David discussed his game- plan of going back home to his house to live there for a while and get his accounting degree at another college and work for a restaurant as a waiter to make a few bucks wile doing so. I didn’t feel that David’s speech was very persuasive but more informative. He said that he wanted to work for Ernest & Young and work with accounting there but never really gave any steps for what he was going to do to get to his goal. While David was talking he could have made a better speech if he didn’t cross his feet as much and also if he sited more but over all I think that he still did a good job. He first dressed very professional as he wore his blazer and a nice shirt. His slides were very well done, a little short but defiantly to the point witch was very effective to the audience. Also his voice and speech was very conversational and he just seemed very comfortable when he was up there. Overall I think David did a good job and I wish him luck in his future.
ReplyDeleteOn Friday I critiqued David Curry a senior in our class that is graduating this spring from rider with a bachelors in Finance. David discussed his game- plan of going back home to his house to live there for a while and get his accounting degree at another college and work for a restaurant as a waiter to make a few bucks wile doing so. I didn’t feel that David’s speech was very persuasive but more informative. He said that he wanted to work for Ernest & Young and work with accounting there but never really gave any steps for what he was going to do to get to his goal. While David was talking he could have made a better speech if he didn’t cross his feet as much and also if he sited more but over all I think that he still did a good job. He first dressed very professional as he wore his blazer and a nice shirt. His slides were very well done, a little short but defiantly to the point witch was very effective to the audience. Also his voice and speech was very conversational and he just seemed very comfortable when he was up there. Overall I think David did a good job and I wish him luck in his future.
ReplyDeleteYaroslav
ReplyDeleteYaro was dressed very nicely. He looked very appropriate for his speech.His intro was clear and somewhat effective. He could have used a better attention getter. He used two youtube clips when he should have only used one. They were both longer then 45 seconds which is the longest you should play a clip during a presentation. His overall knowledge of his topic was very good. He showed that he really knew he topic. He used very good details to show that he knew is topic. He also had a very loud specking voice, easily understood. His voice made what he was saying very interesting. He also showed that he was comfortable up there by how he joked around. The biggest thing he could have fixed was when he read from his note cards. He also didn't follow the 6X6 rule on most of his slides. While he was reading from slide or note cards he lost his eye contact. He needed to verbally cite his information and needed more quotes. Overall he did well and showed that he put alot of work into his speech.
Elyse Grassmuck told us about her aspirations to attain a job at Berlitz International. During her speech, she maintained an excellent voice tone and continued with that throughout the entire presentation. She seemed very comfortable in front of the class and showed that the entire time she was in front of the class. She smiled and kept the class involved during her talk the entire time as well. Some things she could work on were her preview could have been a little stronger, or maybe more upfront. She sort of did not connect what she had to offer to what to company was looking for. Other then those two things I thought that Elyse did an excellent job following directions, and keeping the class involved in everything she was saying.
ReplyDeleteDustin
ReplyDeleteFor Dustin’s persuasive speech he talked about how he wanted to become a state trooper. He had a very good presentation that I felt was a big improvement from his first speech. He was dressed well which gave him a more professional appearance and started with a good attention getter which drew in the audience right from the start as well as a good memorable statement. During the entirety of the speech he was constantly trying to make as much eye contact as possible which involved the audience more in the speech. He also, spoke very well throughout the presentation allowing for a clear and audible message to get across. Some of Dustin’s negative aspects to his speech was a lack of transitions and cites such as on the works cited slide within the power point and speech. This could have been improved to make a smoother speech allowing the audience to follow better. Also, with better cites to back up the information making the presentation more solid especially in a persuasive speech. Another improvement Dustin could have made was how much he read off his note cards and power point slides he wasn’t reading too much but just a little less would have made his presentation just that much better. Finally he could have tied everything together better, rather than have each section of the speech a separate entity. This fits in with transitions because better transitions might have helped. Along with details as to how each section such as plan and benefit of his speech applied to the others. Overall Dustin’s speech was very well put together and he presented it very well, leaving a good impression on the audience.
Brian Leggett
ReplyDeleteBrian seems to be very passionate about gymnastics and what he wants to do when he gets out of college. Brian’s topic of working with gymnastics fits what he loves to do and I think will be successful. I thought that it was very interesting that he chose to be an entrepreneur because no one else did that and I think that that is a huge risk. Being an entrepreneur takes a lot out of you and it takes a long time to be able to get everything right, but I think that with Brian’s enthusiasm and talent he will be able to succeed. I think that Brian overall did a great job. Brian’s opening was very memorable and it kept everyone’s attention. Three strengths of Brian’s were his eye contact, which was maintained through the majority of his speech except for citations, citing within his speech, which he did very fluidly and conversationally, and bringing in great details about himself with examples of each of them. One improvement that I think Brian could work on would be maybe to practice his opening a little bit more because in the beginning he seemed a bit nervous and was stumbling on some words. I felt as though as he spoke a little bit more, he worked his nerves out and the speech became more conversational. Brian also used a lot of hand gestures which took away from the message at points. I think this was another way that he was trying to work out his nerves, so possibly next time he should rest his hands on the podium, so he is not as tempted to keep moving them. The last improvement that Brian could make would be to work on his posture. When he got nervous he moved around a little, making him look nervous. Overall, I feel as though Brian has really improved since his first speech. He brought in great details with examples and he had a great conversational style that made it really easy to listen to. Brian left a crazy memorable statement that I do not think any of us will forget.
Stephanie R. critique:
ReplyDeleteStephanie discussed her intent to obtain an internship with the accounting firm, Ernst &Young. Her persuasive presentation was well-organized, but her delivery could have been more enthusiastic. The topic was very appropriate since she is an accounting major and has interned in the past at Merrill Lynch. She seems to be a perfect fit for Ernst & Young. A strength she displayed during her presentation was the use of jargon. Jargon is terminology related to the job field and would be effective if a job recruiter was in the audience. She mentioned some accounting terms when she discussed her time as an intern at Merrill Lynch. Another strength was her great eye contact with the audience. For the most part, she stayed away from reading her note cards. She also had a strong memorable statement. She shared with the audience a quote from an Ernst & Young employee and re-explained that she has what it takes to be a great auditor for Ernst & Young. When there are positives, there also some negatives. Stephanie needed to verbally cite her sources more, but she did an acceptable job of citing on the PowerPoint. Also, she needs to eliminate some of her ums when making transitions from point to point. The elimination of ums is easy to fix and something she will get better at with more experience as a public speaker. Finally, she needed to make a better connection with the audience. She had plenty of details and the credentials needed to be an auditor, but the presentation did not stand out. The beginning and ending could have been a little more creative to draw more interest from the crowd. Overall, Stephanie did a great job explaining what career she wants and how she will obtain that job.
Kim did a great job at starting her persuasive speech. She had a nice attention getter, which was a small subtle joke. After her attention grabber she moved into nicely with her work cited page. Next, she had a clear and concise thesis statement. She then moved into her need section nicely. Her needs explained clearly that she was qualified for the job and had the background needed to gain her job at Vizor. She gave good background to her needs. Next she moved into her plan. She did this with ease. It was to the point without all the extra information that wasn’t needed. Next, practicality was almost perfect except she was missing some action detail. Lastly, she moved into her conclusion, here she did a good job referring to her introduction and really leaving the audience with a lasting impression. Throughout the whole speech she did a good job verbally citing and citing on the power point. She just missed a couple of the pictures from being cited. Kim’s tone and pace was done very nicely, because it kept the attention of the audience throughout the whole time. It really made the difference in her speech. Also her eye contact was amazing. This made it so she had to use little to no note cards, which makes a huge difference in a speech. Kim used a few Ums, but nothing to really make a point of. Throughout her speech she used a couple transition, but not as many as she needed to do. Also a couple of times her eyes went up onto the power point, which could be a good thing, but she wasn’t referring to it for a reason. All in all, Kim performed a very good speech.
ReplyDelete-Eric B
Susie Hidalgo
ReplyDeleteOverall I think that Susie did a really good job with her persuasive speech. She wanted to get a job at the New York Times. She started with a good opening statement that drew the audiences attention. She had a very good conversational style and from this it seemed like she knew the information well. She followed the Monroe's sequences good throughout the speech sticking to the guidelines. She cited pretty good through out her speech but I thought that she could have done a little more. Susie also had pretty good eye contact but sometimes it seemed like she was reading off of her index cards a little to much. She also implied transitions well throughout her speech allowing everyone to know what she was going to talk about next. She gave great information about what she needed to go through in order to get the job the the NYT. Overall, I thought that Susie did a great job on her speech and she was well prepared.
Andrew Cotes:
ReplyDeleteI critiqued Andrew Cotes and his presentation of his goal to be employed at Deutsche Bank. The attention getter was the initial key to a great speech. He explained that this bank was one of the world's largest financial service providers. Andrew presented his information in a calm and collected manner, grasping the attention of the audience. His conversational tone and consistent eye contact really tuned the class in to what he was presenting. Andrew was dressed professional in black pants and a blue button up shirt. You could tell Andrew was a little nervous in the beginning because he was relying a little to heavily on his note cards and his voice was a little shaky. Overall however, Andrew presented this company to the class in a precise and efficient manner and would be a great asset to their company.
Matt did his speech over CMX engineering. Throughout his entire speech he looked down at his notecards a lot, there was almost no eyecontact. This caused his tone to be not as conversational as it could have been. When he did look up but did not know what to say, he filled the quietness with "uhs" and "ums." I think he needed to practice his speech a little bit more and perfect it. This would have helped him look up and not have as many ums and ahs. During his speech he also shifted his weight back and forth occasionally. Aside from this, he had nice posture with his shoulders and upper body. Something he did really well was talk loudly and clearly. I could hear him well and he enunciated his words effectively. He also looked very professional giving his speech because he was well dressed. Lastly, I loved his conclusion. His references to Einstein and Shakespeare were awsome and really impressed me. He definitely left a lasting impression with his memorable statement. Good job on that! Overall I thought he did an excellent job telling the class about CMX and giving us useful information.
ReplyDeleteJim B
ReplyDeleteJim has definitely improved since the beginning of the semester. He had a very good attention getter. He really knew what he was talking about and brought in many great details. His eye contact was consistently good and his body posture was great. His vocal projection and pitch were also constantly good throughout. There were also a few things that he needs to work on. One was that he needs to work on citing fully both on the PowerPoint and vocally. He also missed putting the works cited up on the PowerPoint. Another thing that he could work on is that he said "uh" quite a few times. He should practice out loud a little more to help reduce the number of times he says "uh." The organization of his speech was also a little off. Overall, Jim did a very good, solid job.
Chris Esposito
ReplyDeleteOverall, I think Chris did a good job in his persuasive speech. He was a bit under dressed compared to the other male speakers, which may have affected his professional appearance. Towards the beginning of his speech, Chris seemed to be avoiding eye contact with the audience by looking at his slides too often, perhaps to help him relax. Although after the first few slides, he showed signs of relaxation, creating much more eye contact and maintaining good posture. When Chris wasn't on his notecards, his voice seemed very inviting and comfortable with the audience. However, when citing or reading off his cards, his voice became much more monotone, losing it's appeal. Other than that, Chris seemed to have a good idea of what he was doing up there, showing progression throughout the entire speech.
Nathalia Jimenez wants to work for the IRS and had great reasons to why in her persuasive presentation. Her details were very much in-depth and she gave great supporting examples. She had credibility by citing everything very well and had an attention grabbing opening. Everything was organized correctly and she completed all 4 objectives. While up there she was very clear and loud and gave excellent eye contact. She barely read anything from her notecards. She also had great posture and seemed very confident about everything she had to say. In overall, i feel that Nathalia did an excellent job.
ReplyDeleteSteve Chieca
ReplyDeleteSteve persuasive speech was about the company Adidas and why he would bring the company success. He was dressed for the occasion with the proper attire. One of his strengths was he used a good conversational style throughout the speech and with a nice tone. Second he had a a great power point to go along with his speech and showed good details about to company, which showed his interest in the company. Last strength was using his mother as a reference was a great idea to support himself in the speech. Along with a great speech there is always things to work on. First he used a few uhs and ums. Second it wasn't necessary to correct himself well he was speaking. Third he could have used a little more eye contact at certain points of his speech. All in all he presentation was great and had a funny intro telling the audience about his broken zipper. He also ended the speech with a wonderful memorable statement and did a great job explaining why he would be great fit for the company and what he will bring to the table to help the company to grow.
Joe Ferber did a very nice job with his persuasive speech. He wants to work for his father's company, so that allowed for him to bring in some personal facts that he didn't have to cite. Joe's posture was great, and he maintained it for the entire presentation. He did not move his hands or do any other motions that would be distracting to the audience. His thesis was stated very clearly, and his PowerPoint had graphs that helped get his point across. His details were all cited, however some of his slides contained too many words. Joe’s eye contact, at times could have been better. The clarity of his voice was excellent; his voice was clear and strong throughout the entirety of his speech. Overall, Joe did a very nice job.
ReplyDeleteAndrew T. started off his final persuasive speech, on Ernst & Young, with solid opening and a fairly well done attention grabber. The introduction was neat and organized and followed the steps of the outline in chronological order. Not only was Andrew professionally dressed for his speech, but it was apparent from first glance that his power point slides were neat and organized and followed the 6x6 rule as well. Andrew started off the speech with a couple uhms and uhs here and there, but gradually became more comfortable as the speech wore on. Apart from keeping a steady voice throughout the speech, Andrew also showed a decent amount of eye contact, marred only by a few glances at his note-cards which broke up the connection with the audience. Andrew also brought in a great amount of supporting details in the speech, while also being clever and taking in an example from another speech in the class. (Example of being a setter on a volleyball team) Statistics were very good throughout the speech and for the most part, Andrew used the proper amount of cites and also used them well. As for the things that needed to be improved in the speech, I felt that Andrew used the note-cards a bit too much at some points throughout his speech. Andrew also talked a little too much with his hands and that he needed to tie in a few of his needs in regards to getting the job. Although Andrews posture was good, he rocked back and forth a bit too much when speaking and it was very visible throughout his speaking. Lastly, Andrew started off the speech with uhms and uhs, and after regaining his composure, began to use them again towards the end of the presentation. Overall, Andrew had a very professional style throughout his speech and it was not only visible through his slides but the way he went about presenting his information. It was a great effort overall, and Andrew finished strong with a memorable quote that was a great finishing touch to his final persuasive speech.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAmanda P. had a very good speech. Her opening statement definitely grabbed my attention when she tied her job to the Olympics, something very well known. Throughout the speech she maintained good eye contact which allowed her to have a better connection with the audience. She had a lot of good examples and supporting details. This made is more believable that she had all the qualifications possible to maintain her job. There is of course always room for improvement. When she wasn't keeping eye contact with the audience she tended to read off the note cards to make, making her voice sound less conversational. There were also some missing cites in the power point, as well as cites verbally stated. To end her speech she concluded it nicely by tying in her attention getting back with the memorable statement. Overall, it was a good persuasive speech and it was evident that a lot of time was put into it.
ReplyDeleteTom A.
ReplyDeleteI critiqued Tom A, and before I get into making judgments and saying the positives and the negatives I would like to say that Tom did an exemplary job on his speech. Well his research proved to be well in depth, showing that he put quite some effort it in. I think Tom was able to communicate with the audience and this helped him get his points across clearly and giving an effective presentation. The explanations of his company’s benefits and positives were outstanding. I was able to understand the company, and come to an effective judgment of the company, thus concluding that the company cared about its employees. Aside from the research Tom did a great job with eye contact, most of the time keeping them on the students, just like every other student he periodically looked at the note cards. But I think if he remembered the speech completely without using the note cards I would have to say that he would have the best speech hands down. He stood straight and didn’t move around much, and as we know this is a sign of confidence and that he wasn’t nervous about his speech. His hand motions were good constantly keeping his hands in the invisible box and providing reflective hand motion according to his speech. Except for the note cards I have no other helpful advices, because the flow of the speech was outstanding and well executed.
I critiqued Jenn. The introduction to Jenn's speech was all about the attention getter. She used her attention getter, or “hook” to effectively capture the audience and bring them closer to what she had to say. Now remember, she was trying to persuade in this speech, so it is important to grab attention right off the bat. If you don’t, it is much harder to succeed in persuading. A strong point was during the opening of the speech when she clearly established the intent of her presentation, wanting to work at Deloitte. I would definitely say the body of the speech was focused around the main thesis, which is good work. She explained perfect reasoning for why she would be well qualified to work at a place such as Deloitte. She used many examples of her skills, such as her motivational qualities. She even brought in statistics that reflected the company being the top 4th accounting firm in the world. I felt she might have brought that information in a little too late, but it was still fine. Another strength was that she had strong, clear, verbal citations which are a positive. Another strength was that she made her plan understandable for the average audience member. She broke down the steps she will have to take and gave great details about the CPA Exam, which was very interesting. Jenn also used strong credibility sources, such as her own experience and classes that she is taking. Overall, I believe Jenn was extremely strong when it came to the sequence of her presentation. For the most part, she bridged smoothly from one part of the presentation to the next, but there were a few instances where transitions were lacking and improvement could be made. I felt the conclusion was good, but lacked a more promising memorable statement. You could tell Jenn worked really hard putting this together because there was a lot of information to know. As far as delivery skills, she spoke very clear and loud enough. At one point there were a few umm’s and then she apologized for it. I did the same thing on my first speech and learned not to apologize and just keep going. She had great posture and eye contact throughout the entire speech, which is very difficult to do. This speech had most of the technicalities and some intangibles which made it a great speech.
ReplyDeleteEric did a great job on his speech. He had good details bringing in classes and projects with TKE which demonstrated the skills he spoke of. He had a very good description of the company and everything was cited well on the powerpoint. The powerpoint in general was excellent. His eye contact improved with the speech, however it did fluctuate. When he had eye contact he really connected with the class. He talked very quickly and could have slowed down a little. Finally he could have been a little more conversational. Overall he provided all the information needed and delivered a good, solid persuasive speech.
ReplyDelete